Just stopping in to say. . .

Merry Christmas!

Move Over, Einstein

Although I'd like to think that you don't have to be a genius to enjoy my blog, maybe you do. According to an infallible and highly sophisticated instrument that scans your blog so that a cash advance link can get posted to your site when you are flattered by the results and copy the html code to your site, I learned something very interesting.

My blog has a GENIUS reading level.

Wow! I think it would be safe to conclude that my blog readers are geniuses. Did you know you were that smart? Cool. (Forget being a blogger of the people. I'm keepin' it totally high-brow around here now. Totally.)

Merry Christmas!

Hope you're enjoying the season.

Not NaNoWriMo

I'm not writing a novel this month, but I am taking a blogging break. You won't be seeing me around for a little while. If you really really miss me--or even if you don't--you can leave me a comment to tell me so. Happy November!

Hey Look!

I sent you something.

Click here.

Dear Dairy

That's how I began my journal entries when I was seven. I couldn't spell "diary," so for about a year, most of my personal journal was unintentionally dedicated to milk cows.

I love my journals. It's fun to read back through them and remember. Want to know what I have written in them? You can get a clue here.

Take Cover

The Satan, I mean Santa Ana Winds are blowing. Do you know what that means? I will explain.

Where I live there are three seasons: tourist season, fire season, and mudslide season. We have now officially entered season number two. Every year it's the same. One day you are playing at the beach, the next there is a slight chill in the air and a few brown crunchy leaves on the ground. DO NOT BE FOOLED! It isn't really autumn here until the Santa Ana Winds begin to blow. Then BAM!, the temperature soars 20 degrees, the humidity drops 70 percentage points, and there is smoke in the air. How often can you actually see the air you are wheezing? Oh, and did I mention sinus headaches, earaches, and the feeling that you've just been stuck in your Grandmother's dehydrator? Yeah, I pretty much feel like fruit leather. No wonder they are called the devil winds.

Ah, fall!

(On a more serious note, dozens of fires are burning and these horrible winds always bring out lunatic arsonists. I pray for all the families and homes that are threatened. I hope you will too.)

One of Many Reasons on Why I Am Conflicted about Blogging

Today I was going to limit blog time to 15 minutes. I just checked the clock.

It's been 48.

Guess I should have used my timer.

Have a great weekend! How will you be spending YOUR time?

A Real Superhero

Look! It's a bird. It's a plane. . ."

It's SUPER PUMPKIN !

Thanks Wynne for that INCREDIBLE flying Jack-O-Lantern. You brightened my dreary day. :) You're my hero.

Now to brighten your day, a great hero quote from The Office.

Dwight:No, don't call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs and get a distress call from the commissioner and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around, fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.

I am not a hero. I am a mere defender of the office. You know who's a real hero? Hiro, from Heroes. That's a hero... Also, Bono.

This one's for you, b.

You know how I said that blogging can be really, really fun sometimes?

Well, the other times it rots.

Gonna miss you b. =(

Thank You

I love that a one sentence post can get comments! Sometimes blogging is really, really fun. I also love being able to post my own pictures (this is a recent skill I have acquired). So just for fun, please enjoy the mini Jack-O-Lantern that my son carved today. It seems to have sort of a snide expression, as if it were telling a joke. So guess what--you get goofy pumpkin jokes today. No need to thank me. I just like to spread a little Halloween cheer.

Pumpkin Jokes

How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch!

Why do jack-o-lanterns have stupid smiles on their faces?
You'd have a stupid smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!

What's the ratio of a pumpkin's circumference to its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi

When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin?
When you drop it; then it's squash!

Happy Columbus Day!

That's all I got.

Life Lessons

So yesterday I was planning a Family Home Evening lesson on Priorities and Time Management. My sister gave me the fantastic idea to use an object lesson. Using a quart jar, blocks, and black beans I demonstrated how sometimes it is a challenge to fit all the necessary things into our lives.



HOWEVER, if we plan and put the most important things FIRST, then everything else will fall into place.

(Yes, that is the same amount of beans in both pictures.)

I felt it was effective. This morning I was reminded of another important thing I need to fit into my life: To put objects away after I use them.

Want to guess where the beans are now?
.
.
.
.
.
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My New Look for Fall

Hope you like it.

(Fall leaves image courtesy of Rune T through Flickr.com)

Quote of the Day

Pointing to a jar in the refrigerator, "Mom, is that poisonberry jam?"


Really! What kind of mother does he think I am?

.

They're back!

Just a little something I enjoy about the fall. A few of my favorite changes--a chill in the air, hot chocolate at night, hunting for fall leaves (and I do mean hunting--autumn is not obvious here in the southwest), planning for the holidays, and school supplies. I love new crayons and glue!!! What are you looking forward to?

. . .Continued

4 Regrets:

1. Not learning younger to be disciplined
2. That it took me so long to realize how important sleep is
3. That I haven't been better at correspondence
4. Those doughnuts (yes, that's plural) I ate today.

4 Things I Wish I Could Do More Often:

1. Visit family
2. Enjoy rain
3. Go to cooking class
4. Get my house clean

4 Things That I Never Would Have Imagined Would Happen to Me:

1. I learned how to get places early (with seven kids in tow)
2. I have a blog and sometimes people read it
3. I decided to wear bangs again after that "experiment" in the late 1980's
4. I would be brave enough to sing in a small group

Now you're it!

Whoops!

Looks like I completely missed August. Here's a quick update: I have a new calling: Primary President. I guess I'm going to be a bit busier than usual. I'm a little nervous, but very excited. I LOVE Primary and I think serving in this organization will be satisfying. I do like kids and I enjoy teaching. I expect it to be challenging and fun.

My husband taught his first day of seminary today and tomorrow is my kids' first day of school. If I want to survive/thrive, I'm going to have to be organized and have a routine that allows all of us to get enough sleep. Wish me luck as this is a weak area of mine.

Now for your reading pleasure, I will respond to this tag from my friend Darlene.

Four Places I’d Love to Visit:

1. The East coast
2. London
3. Seattle
4. My bed

Four Things I Covet:

1. Melanie's discipline
2. Jen H's healthy habits and spunk
3. A clean home
4. Alex's accent and wit

4 Goals I Have:

1. Learn to retire and rise early
2. Organize my home/routine
3. Increase patience
4. Floss daily

4 Fads I Wish Would Pass:

1. Low-waisted pants
2. Snotty/vulgar sayings on t-shirts
3. Chocolate-flavored gum
4. Body piercing

4 Delights:

1. Toddler hugs
2. When chores get done without complaining
3. Dates with my hubby
4. Good chocolate

To Be Continued . . .

I'm it.

Guess what. I'm a trend-setter. My family blogs now and I just got tagged with this fabulous FOUR meme. Enjoy.

Four jobs I’ve had:
1) Dental Office worker
2) Substitute teacher
3) High school English teacher
4) Domestic chaos coordinator (it doesn’t have to be a paid job, right?)

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1) Singing in the Rain
2) Fletch
3) Elf
4) Pippi in the South Seas ("Oscar!" It still makes me laugh)

Four places I have lived

1) Huntington Beach, CA
2) U-Hall in Deseret Towers
3) The Pink House, Provo, UT
4) Hobble Creek Canyon ( Hey fam, recognize this? )

Four favorite T.V. shows
1) Supernanny
2) The Late Show with David Letterman
3) The Office
4) Last Comic Standing

Four places I’ve been:
1) Nebraska (I think we drove through miles and miles of corn!)
2) Hawaii
3) Naples, Florida
4) St. George, Utah

Four favortite foods:
1) Butternut squash soup with red pepper puree
2) Asparagus soup from The Fish Company
3) Lamppost pizza
4) Brownies

Four websites I visit often
1) Google
2) Wordnet.princeton.edu
3) Family blogs
4) *Update* There are too many good blogs to fit here. I'm just going to have to create a blogroll! (If I comment on your blog, consider yourself visited often)

Four places I’d rather be:
Hmm. I like where I’m at, thank you very much. But I wish you were here. (And you know who “you” are--don’t you?) However, I will give you

Four places I’d like to go:
1) Connecticut
2) Utah
3) Florida
4) Seattle

If you've read this far and haven't been tagged already--then you're it!

p.s. Anyone interested in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows for our summer read? Make your opinion known. Other titles for your consideration--The Ladies' Auxilliary, Five Quarters of the Orange, or The Eyre Affair.

Submerged

I have become completely immersed in summer with seven children. We have dived into the pool, swum in the ocean, and soaked up a few good books at the library. I will check in later with a few more details of our adventures and look forward to reading about yours.

p.s.
I will announce a summer reading book by the end of July.

Turn those pages!

That's right. It's time for your local library's summer reading program. And not to brag, but my local library has started a program for adults and we can win prizes just like the kids! Well, not just like the kids, but almost. Everytime I read a book, I write down a little information about it and then I can turn it in for a chance to win a gift basket--yippee! I'm going to be reading a little extra just because I like prizes. Do you like prizes? I could be talked into hosting a cyber-book discussion and awarding blog buttons for all participants. What do you think? What would YOU like to read?

School's Out!

Our last day of school was Friday. I say "our" because I have been personal tutor to 5 school children since last September. But now, summer vacation is finally here.

Hooray!

We went to the beach to celebrate. Ocean, sun, hotdogs, s'mores, and talk around the fire as the sun set. I think I'll pretty much be hanging out there until next September. Wanna come?

Say What?

s

You know you've spent too much time catching up on blogs when you hear this;

My two-year old:

"Mom. . . Mom?

Excuse me, I'm bleeding."

Time to log off, dontcha think?

Shod

I've had to put my shoes on for a while.
Turns out that going barefoot has some downsides.
I may have to re-name my blog.

Please Stand By . . .

Feel free to make a wish while you wait.

Leftovers

I re-wrote my "Macaroni Mom" post for Segullah and I will be responding to Eve's tag soon (just in case you were wondering). If you would like to read my re-write, click here.

Have a Happy Memorial Day weekend!

Something for you to look at (Carrot)

Your wish is my command. . .

Time Out

I'm taking a time out to think happy thoughts and do happy deeds. I'll begin by sharing three happy things.

1. My foot/leg is beginning to feel better
2. The bills are paid
3. My family is healthy

Be back soon.

Treading Water

That's what I feel like I am doing. I have been wearing my Cub Scout Treasurer hat for the last few days and it is exhausting--we are $100.00 short for our current fundraiser. I am not a CPA and crunching numbers makes me crazy so my blog (and my life) is on hold and I will hopefully return soon to respond to Eve's tag. (Sorry Eve.)

Excuse me while I go scream.

***Update*** The missing funds and booklets were found! Hooray! One more item to cross off my "To Stress About" list. *Whew*

Handy Thoughts

I have often heard the phrase, “I know it like the back of my hand.” What does that mean, really? How well do you know the back of your hand? Can you picture it in your mind? Unlike some, I apparently do not know the back of my hand very well. While looking over these lovely appendages recently, I noticed spots. “Hey! Whose hands are these? My hands don’t have age spots! And how come they look. . .wrinkly and that vein is kind of popping out?” I’m sure it didn’t happen suddenly; my hands have been gradually aging and I just didn’t realize it. Maybe the changes escaped me because I’m so busy using my hands, that I don’t really take time to sit and gaze at them. Between chopping vegetables for dinner, loading laundry into the wash, and typing at the computer, I haven’t stopped to notice the changes in the hands that serve me so well. Fortunately, the spots, wrinkles, and bulging veins (ew--I can barely write it) haven’t kept me from being useful.

I was reading an article in the current issue of Segullah. It made me wonder, “What do my hands say about me?” (Certainly they say that I’m not twenty anymore.) Can you tell very much about a person by looking at their hands? Probably not--unless the hands are moving. Can you tell very much about a person by the way they use their hands? I think so. If you like, read Melissa Young’s essay, “Hands” and tell me what you think. What parts do you enjoy and what thoughts stand out to you? Stop by Blog Segullah and let's talk about it.

It's Official: I'm Crazy

I'm going to see a Doctor today about some pain I've been having in my foot and lower leg. It's so bad that sometimes I can barely walk. So what's crazy about that? Well, my appointment is two days AFTER I registered for the St. George Marathon.

Am I a runner? No.

Do I exercise regularly? Not really.

Do I have a lifelong dream of completing a marathon? Um, no.

Do I have a really cool brother that is running and
encouraged me to do so IF I wanted to? Yes.

Do I like the idea of having a big goal to get me moving and to push myself? Yes.

You decide. You may cast your vote in my comments section.
Crazy, Sane, Dreamer, Ambitious, WHAT?

Air. . .head?

Surprise!

Hi friends!
It's Jennifer B. here. I was just checking in to share with you my new spring cleaning plan. In fact, I started a fresh new post just to catch you up and share a bit of my life with you. But I forgot something. Remember that goal I set? The one to only use the computer in the hours that my children are asleep or occupied? Well, I forgot. I thought I could sit down and write you all a lovely little note about how I am trying to clear out the clutter in my life and make a few improvements. While I began to type, however, I noticed a peculiar and yet strangely familiar crunching sound. My two darling boys were behind the sofa smashing eggs into the carpet. Isn't that fun? So you may or may not be hearing from me again soon. Excuse me while I go clean up and feel free to stop by the comments section to commiserate. I could use some encouragement.

Dear Jennifer B.,

I'm taking a few days off. My life needs me. (What? You didn't know I had one?)

In the meantime, do you have a question for me? What would you like to know? Post your question in my comments section and I will do my best to answer.
See you soon.

Love,
Jennifer B.

Thinking Thursday

Hmmm.

I think . . . I'm tired.



I'll try again later.

How are YOU today?

Discovery

Know what I discovered?
If a flying shoe lands on just the right spot, it can make the glass on an oven door shatter. Into pieces. Lots of them.

Uh-Oh!

On our walk home from school the other day, my son was distraught. He did not get to kiss his kindergarten sister goodbye and apparently his world was ending. His weepy wailing echoed throughout the neighborhood. I tried to distract him, "How about if we paint when we get home? What if we go on a walk? Let's make play dough. . ."

Nothing could cheer him. Finally I asked, "What would make you feel better?"
He sobbed, "Let's go to the store and buyyyy stuff (sniff). That will make me feel better."

I think I'm in trouble.

Obsession

My new blogging friend, "So grateful to be Mormon" tagged me with an obsession meme. Obsess is such a strong word, but listing the 5 things I occasionally feel strong about doesn't sound very interesting, does it? So with that . . .

Jennifer B.'s 5 Obsessions

1. Book Club
2. Purging my house of clutter
3. My goal to be completely debt-free
4. Reading the comments on my favorite blogs
5. Being on time to take my friend to work in 20 minutes -- Wait! Make that 12 minutes!

Yikes! Gotta run. . .

The Boy Loves Chicken(s)

My four-year-old loves animals. The other day he asked, "Why do people eat animals?" None of our responses were satisfactory. He declared, "I'm not going to eat animals anymore!"

Tonight the topic came up again. He expressed his love for chickens and asked my twelve-year-old daughter,"Why do people have to eat chickens?" My daughter replied, “They don’t have to. But what if there was no food and they only had chickens?” To which my son answered, “Then they would eat the T.V.”

That explains the bite marks on our set.

Tag! You're It!

Toni tagged me for this “Three Things” Meme. Thanks Toni! It was fun.

Three Things That Scare Me:
1. the thought of paying full price
2. horror flicks (so I don’t watch them)
3. life without sugar

Three People Who Make Me Laugh:
in real life:
1. my sister
2. my brother
3. my other brother

in my alternate cyber-existence:
1. cjane
2. carrotjello
3. elasticwaistbandlady

Three Things I Love:
1. cinnamon
2. having my hair brushed
3. hot chocolate with whipped cream

Three Things I Hate:
1. sleep deprivation
2. diets
3. noise

Three Things I Don’t Understand:
1. Ulysses
2. derivatives (think math)
3. life without sugar

Three Things On My Desk:
1. “The Power of Three” by Dianna Wynne Jones
2. flap my 2-year-old tore out of a “lift the flap” book
3. my Mac

Three Things I’m Doing Right Now:
1. Writing
2. being assaulted by the soundtrack from My Little Pony “The Princess Promenade” DVD
3. plotting the mysterious disappearance of My Little Pony “The Princess Promenade” DVD

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
1. write and illustrate a children’s book
2. meet a few of my bloggy buddies
3. have all of my house clean at the same time

Three Things I Can Do:
1. change a diaper in less than 6 seconds--one handed
2. make delicious snicker doodles
3. speak halting Spanish

Three Things I Can’t Do:
1. get my last kid out of diapers
2. limit myself to three snicker doodles
3. speak fluent Spanish

Three Things I Think You Should Listen To:
1. Corinne Bailey Rae’s music
2. Brian Regan
3. the speakers in General Conference

Three Things You Should Never Listen To:
1. the “world”
2. your harsh inner-dialogue
3. the soundtrack from “The Princess Promenade”

Three Things I’d Like To Learn:
1. American Sign Language
2. to go to bed on time and wake up early
3. how to write a really good poem

Three Favorite Foods:
1. butternut squash soup with roasted red pepper puree
2. potato casserole (a.k.a. funeral or company potatoes)
3. snicker doodles

Three Shows I Watched As A Kid:
1. The Brady Bunch
2. The Love Boat
3. Electrawoman and Dynagirl (I SO wanted to be Dynagirl!)

Three Things I Regret:
1. laziness
2. being a procrastinator
3. letting my insecurity prevent me from making friends

Three people I tag:
1. Shari
2. so grateful to be Mormon
3. You! (should you feel inclined)

Just a Few Laps

I still cannot fully wrap my mind around what happened to my son yesterday. We live in a townhome and our front yard is a shared courtyard. On a typical day there are several parents chatting and children playing--it's a very friendly block. My family alone constitutes seven of the children who play together so it usually feels busy and pretty safe. The houses face in toward the courtyard, we have helpful conscientious neighbors, and full-time security.

Yesterday was different.

There was a quiet lull in the afternoon. Young children who had been playing vigorously went in for naps and quiet time. Older children were away with friends. I went in to tidy-up and my 9 year old son asked if he could skate a few laps around the courtyard. "Sure, just a few." I can't see my son at the far end of the courtyard, but I can watch as he nears the house and rounds the corner to skate another lap. Not long after he went out, he came back in with this odd report.

A bearded grey-haired man whom my son had never seen before called out for assistance. He was at the street corner away from the highly-visible main courtyard. He stood alongside the end home where there is no window and he is surrounded by mostly empty carports.

"My dog had a couple of shots today and is being uncooperative. Will you call my dog? Just say, 'Come Koba!'"

My son kept his distance, but called the chiuaua-sized dog and the pup went to him. Then my son turned to get away.

"Wait! Come this way so my dog will follow you over here."

"I have to go home," my son replied as he continued to skate home. He told me immediately what had happened. I looked around outside and saw no one. I hoped it was an innocent neighbor with bad judgment (we have taught our children that adults should only ask adults for help, NEVER children). Just to be safe, I called the police to give a report and an officer came out to our home to take it down.

After all of this, one more very interesting detail came out. During the entire encounter, the tiny dog was on a LEASH! What??? Yes, a leash that the man was holding. I had assumed it was a free-roaming dog, but NO! This was a tiny dog on a leash that the owner had in his hand. Why on earth would a grown man ask a little boy to lead a tiny dog when the pet was already on a leash? I don't want to think about it, and yet I can't stop thinking about it. It is too suspicious.

I know that bad things happen to good people, but I am so grateful that yesterday we were spared. I am glad that we prayed as a family for protection that day and that my son obeyed a prompting to get home and tell his mother what had happened. You can never tell your children too many times what to do and to have them practice it. Even then, children are taught to respect adults and to be helpful and kind--they are so naturally trusting--they need their parents' protection. And although I was close by, I wasn't close enough to have prevented that encounter. No one in my courtyard will skate alone again--even for a few laps.

Pardon Me, Please

I was planning on responding to Toni's tag today-but it's been a rather odd day. One of my children was approached by a strange man asking for help with his dog. I can't write about it just now. I am a bit shaken, but I will return soon.

I'm at Segullah

What do Israelites, a serpent, and a swollen eye have in common? Come find out at Segullah.

Starstruck

A few months ago my husband and I were watching late night TV when we heard Miss Corinne Bailey Rae sing.

Oh

My

This woman can sing! Her voice is incredible. We caught her again on PBS and downloaded a couple of her songs from i tunes. Just for fun we checked out her concert schedule, but all her shows were in Europe.

Then.

Just by chance my husband found out that she was going to tour here in America but we hadn't seen it advertised. She was actually going to open for John Legend (who was advertised, but whom I had never even heard of before, 'cuz I'm not really hip to current music). Not only that, but the first night of the tour was going to be very near our home!

So.

By the time we found out about it, the concert was already SOLD OUT. (aww)

But we found tickets on e-bay (yea!)

and they were outrageously expensive (awww).

But then he actually won an auction for a reasonable bid (yea!)

and he also kept checking back at Ticket Master just to see if anything else opened up.

AND THEN . . . .

on the day of the concert, he found FRONT ROW SEATS for the same price and was able to sell our other tickets to someone else less than two hours before the show!!! (WAHOOOOO!)

So tonight I sat mere feet away from two amazing performers and had a great time celebrating my anniversary.

And THEN,

later, off to the left, in the open seats next to the stage, I noticed Miss Corinne watching Mr. Legend perform and I waved my hands excitedly--not really thinking she would notice me, but

she smiled right at me and WAVED BACK!

I am starstruck.

In Case You Were Wondering . . .

I have neglected my blog for a week now--and for a good reason. No, not just because I am struggling to balance the blog=addiction versus blog=pleasant creative outlet struggle, but because Book Club was at MY house this week. People, I am not used to company. Oh sure, I have a few friends (okay 2) who know that my "laundry room" is really my sofa and that the crumbs on my kitchen floor could feed a small third-world country, but this was serious. Visitors would be coming to my home who had never before seen me in "my element." So what is "my element?" I will tell you.

Nine people in 1100 square feet.

There, I said it. THAT is my element. So, what have I been doing? CLEANING, of course. Scrubbing walls, floorboards, carpet (yes, scrubbing carpet) and working desperately to find homes for all the little pieces of clutter that find their way into my house. I am not a pack rat or a compulsive shopper, by the way, and yet every time we go through our things to see what can be donated, I am AMAZED at how much stuff we give away. Where is it coming from? Well, that is likely another post entirely.

Furthermore, I should add that I consider myself "housekeeping challenged." I do clean, but I have struggled to learn how to clean as I go. I have actually stepped over things before and ignored stuff on my counter because I was waiting until later when it would be more convenient to do the whole job really well. Funny how inconvenient life can be.

So, have you ever experienced the phenomenon of seeing your home with new eyes? It's what happens when you realize that someone is coming to visit and you take a little look around to see what needs to be done. All the minor imperfections that usually blend into the background suddenly jump out at you. "Oh no! My sofa looks ratty! The bookshelves are sloppy! The carpet is stained (and a few shades darker than I remember). My floorboards are chipped and in a few places missing!"

Yeah, that's pretty much how I spent the first part of my week. Every now and then I would visit flylady.net for moral support. Happily, things began to shape up and by Book Club night my front room (which also functions as play room, laundry room, and entry way), was looking decent. My four "hot spots" that attract clutter were clear and I only had three containers of miscellaneous stuff that I didn't have time to put away hidden in my bedroom. I was ready.

Now I should be clear about one thing. I didn't want my home clean because I was worried about my book friends being critical. I knew that they would not care or maybe even notice the imperfections that I was now keenly aware of. They just wanted to get together to enjoy some interesting book talk mixed in with a few treats and personal updates. It's a nice night out. I wanted them to be comfortable and I wanted to be comfortable. (Although imagining someone remarking, "I can't believe she lives like that!" can get you dusting.)

But here is my favorite re-discovery of all: when my home is clean and orderly, I enjoy living in it. A lot. I love my 1100 square feet--with all the chips, dents, indelible scribbles, worn fabric, and unfinished projects. So, although it is a lot of work, I'm trying to keep it up. A clear counter can sure make me smile.

What makes you smile?

Withdrawl

I decreased my time at the computer last week, but you know what I discovered?

I may be an addict.

This is going to be harder than I thought. When I noticed my boys were interested in "Dragon Tales" for a few minutes I rushed to check my e-mail and maybe a blog or two or twenty seven (the number of blogs saved on my sidebar). When the kids went outside to play, I would just peek again, quickly. Then during naptime, I might just see if anyone had commented on my comments. Am I so starved for adult interaction? Can I beat the cravings? Is there a blogging patch?

Or maybe we should consider an alternate approach. Could all of you clever, articulate, thought-provoking bloggers (and I think you know who you are) please stop being so darn witty? Or at least so darn prolific? Give a girl a break!

Here's to a new week.

Real Mom Conversation

To my 2 year old: What do you want to do while Mommy washes the dishes? Do you want to dry the dishes or play Fischer Price?

Toddler: "Butt!"

Mommy: "That's a potty talk. And did you mean 'bum'?"

Toddler, thoughtful pause, then even louder: "NAK*D butt!"

Nice.

A New Day

I had a great weekend.
Saturday I attended a Stake (local church) Women's Conference and it was FABULOUS! I am ready to be a better me. I'm starting with turning off my computer until the kids are in bed, so I will have to report later. I have decided to use it only in the early morning or evening when children are in bed. Some of you are disciplined, but I like to turn to the computer whenever I am avoiding something else I should be doing. No more! (We'll see if I have withdrawl). Let's see how I do. This week will be an experiment.
Do you have any goals for the week?

Warning: More Excuses Ahead

Hey, I'm just here to say that I have nothing to say.
With the combination of allergies, daylight savings, and two speaking/teaching assignments this week, I'm SPENT! So please, be patient and in the meantime, if you would like something to do, why don't you post your favorite anecdote and/or clean joke in my comments section? At least then we can all have a good laugh. (I could sure use one.)

And just to give you a measuring stick--nothing more edgy than this:

Q: What did the salmon say when it swam into a cement wall?

A: Dam!

I'm Famous (sort of)

The ladies at Segullah noticed my stroller post and asked if I would share it. Click here to read it.
What?! You've read it before? But not in this font and color . . . come on, please? Oops--begging now.

Just think. If all 5 of us who read my blog go over there and comment--maybe they'll add Fridays to their Monday/Wednesday blog schedule and vote to keep me on the staff! (I just joined their editorial board.)

See you at Segullah.

(If you've never read their publication, then you'd better click here. You'll thank me.)

Book Review -- Tender at the Bone

Yesterday I finished reading Tender at the Bone by Ruth Reichl. I loved it. Reichl is the restaurant critic of the New York Times and this book is her embellished memoir. Man, can this woman write about food! It was lucky I didn't drool into the pages.

I have to admit, though, my favorite chapter is the very first one and is more likely to make your stomach churn than to make your mouth water. It is titled, "The Queen of Mold." In it, Reichl describes her mother as "taste-blind and unafraid of rot." Would you like a good laugh? Read those first nineteen pages.

The book is more than tantalizing descriptions of food, however. Reichl's book vividly describes characters and events that shaped her life. Although humor is sprinkled throughout, it is not the comedy you might expect after the first chapter. It is, however, packed with lively description, and colorful characters. (Wait. Did I already say that? Well, consider it emphatic repetition.) For me, reading it was a 5 star experience.

So now I need something new. Read anything good lately?

On Finding Myself Asleep at the Computer

slip
slip
slipping into sleep
the late hour weighing
heavy on my lids
squint
blink
just a little more
the words delight
yet lose the war
(snore)

My House is a Mess

There is nothing more to say.

More Than You Ever Wanted to Know About Jennifer B., From A to Z

Available or not: For a snack? Yes. For a date? No.
Best friend: My hubby, of course
Cake or pie: Both, please
Drink of choice: Water
Essential items used daily: my Mac, the pantry
Favorite color: Yellow
Gummy bears or worms: Neither, thank you
Hometown: I decline to answer since I have ended up living there
Indulgence: Blogging, naturally
January or February: February
Kids: 7 of them, ranging from 12 to 2
Life is incomplete without: Beauty (and I mean that in the deep philosophical and artistic sense, not the superficial, vain, “How do I look?” sense)
Marriage date: April 30, 1993
Number of siblings: 6, I mean 5
Oranges or apples: apples--so many good ones to choose from--ever tried an Ambrosia apple? Mmmm
Phobias or fears: Heights, plus I have a recurring dream about losing my teeth
Quote (favorite): When one cannot think of anything to say, it is a time to be silent.
Reason to Smile: Toddler hugs
Season: Fall--memories of Back-to-School, the weather and anticipation of holidays to come
Tag 3 people: Tyler, Toni, the lurker from Garden Grove
Unknown fact about me: I won an award for good penmanship in 4th and 5th grade--if you’ve seen my current handwriting, this is also a humorous fact.
Vegetables you don't like: Brussels sprouts
W: What? There’s no W category? Whatever.
X-rays: right foot (I had a “dancer’s fracture,” but didn’t get it dancing. I was chasing my little brother through the house and tripped on the stair. Graceful, no?)
Your favorite food: This is like asking which child is my favorite!
Zodiac sign: Cancer (and I don’t want to hear any remarks about me being crabby! Got it?!)

I'm back and I'm still in one piece!

Although excited, I was also nervous about this trip. On the day of departure I actually laid on my bed for a few moments to try and calm myself down. I fought against the urge to curl into the fetal position and hum myself into oblivion. Laundry, packing, cleaning--it just wasn't going to come together the way I had hoped. Well, I survived, and not only that, I had a WONDERFUL, SMOOTH, MEMORABLE vacation. (You were so right Darlene!) Thank you for your prayers--I know they helped me to relax and to have a safe, fun time. In fact, it was hard to leave. I'm sure I will write more about hunting for shells, seeing alligators, and playing Dance Revolution with my cool, hip nieces. Thanks for hanging around.

So, what have YOU been up to?

Are You the Praying Type?

I hope you are.

And I hope you are feeling generous.

Very soon, maybe too soon, my little family and I will be boarding a red-eye flight cross country. I'm just a teensy bit nervous.

What's the worst that could happen?

Okay, bad question.

What's the worst that will most likely happen?

Crying cranky children for 4+ hours in an aircraft filled with tired people who would like a little rest. Please don't let that be us. Please?

It's just a few hours.
It's just a few hours.
It's just a few hours.
It's just a few HOURS! (Ow. Chest is tightening)

I'll miss my handful of loyal readers, but when I get back, if there is anything interesting to tell, I'll blab all about it. In the meantime, have a lovely lovely Presidential weekend. (And if it's not asking too much, will you utter just a little prayer in my behalf? Thank you.)

Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

r

Happy Valentine's Day!

Did you know that Compulsive Writer hosted a story-telling contest in honor of Valentine's day? There are some really fun entries. You can read them here and vote for your favorite.

Have fun!

Share the Love

Do you like carrot jello? I do. So when I heard she was doing a 50 states in 15 days tour, I knew I had to do something. My new friend (okay, we've never met, but she did comment on my blog before), carrotjello, was challenged by her husband to get visitors from each of the 50 states to post a comment on her blog. If she does it in 15 days, she gets $50.00 bucks and a weekend away. Be a part of history. Check out her blog and see what states are remaining. Come on! Share the love!

Love Sweet Love

My mom gave me this cute towel and my husband photographed it. Every time I look at it, I will think of people I love. I love how something so simple can cheer me. Thanks guys!

A Stroller Story

When my nine year old son was two, we would sometimes walk his sister to kindergarten. One day on our walk home, I was chatting with a neighbor and my toddler was screeching and twisting in the stroller, struggling to get out. Finally, frustrated and wanting to be able to have 2 minutes of adult conversation, I let him out . He bolted down a long stretch of grass directly toward a busy street. Moving at top speed, he did not slow as he neared the curb. I ran screaming, “Stop! Stop!” No response. No slowing. Then, miraculously, he stopped abruptly at the curb. My heart throbbed and I picked him up winded and shaking. (That was me who was winded and shaking. My son was grinning and I think I saw a glint in his eye.)

This is the same child I mentioned yesterday who is preparing to be a great scientist. He is incredibly curious, energetic, and swift--a dangerous combination. I should mention that he is also incredibly tender, affectionate, and fun. All my toddlers (I’m on my seventh currently) have been challenging and lovable. Parenting toddlers has been tremendously trying. It has often brought me to my knees -- in prayer, in pleading, and let’s not forget, in wiping, scooping, mopping, scrubbing, and last but not least, in complete exhaustion. On tough days (read months), I have even exclaimed, “I am SO done with toddlers!” But through it all, I have had my share of cuddles, scribbled love notes, and spontaneous expressions of,”I love you!” I think I’ve even learned a thing or two.

Today, seven years later, I made another walk to kindergarten with my stroller, and a two year old. We’ve been making this walk for over five months and have marked our path with familiar stopping points ( the stop sign, the yellow boat, the CURB!). For several weeks now, I have let my two year old out of the stroller for the walk home. Instead of making life-threatening sprints toward the street, he knows how and where to stop and how to hold on to the stroller when we cross the street. Today, for the first time I let him walk both ways to school as I pushed an empty stroller. As we went along, my neighbor commented. “You’re not going to need that stroller much longer.” Everything froze for an imperceptible instant. Years of sleep deprivation, potty training and endless spills, messes, and accidents raced through my brain. I could even remember the words of my dear, wise mother-in law saying, “you’ll weep as you bear and raise them and you’ll weep when you’re done.” Not me, I had begun to think. After years of feeling stretched to capacity and beyond, I was pretty sure I would feel at peace about it all--maybe even do a little jig.

But suddenly, I feel like screaming again at my little toddler who is out of the stroller, “Stop! Stop!” And the thought of packing away my stroller makes me want to cry.

In the Name of Science

Here's another memoir--enjoy!

Conference was great! I have to admit I slept through a few talks in the p.m. sessions--chalk it up to MYCLOSeD LIDs (Mother Of Young Children Lack Of Sleep Disorder, Long, Indefinite Duration).

In other news, I think my son is practicing to become a scientist. Not long ago he conducted an experiment to discover the speed at which fluid milk poured from a nearly full gallon container if held directly perpendicular to the floor.

Hypothesis: If I pour this milk onto the floor and the distance between Mom and me is at least 10 yards, Mom's increase in velocity will be insufficient to stop me before the container completely empties.

Result: Hypothesis correct.

For an encore experiment, he tested the strength of eggshells using 2 raw eggs. To ensure its validity, he then repeated the experiment 7 more times. You’ve got to admit, at least he's thorough. Not long after, he attempted to clear three bookshelves of books and to decrease the de-shelving time he enlisted his 1 year old lab assistant. And I can't forget his trial of peanut butter as a skin moisturizer and hair conditioner. This same child looks up at me without warning and utters things like, "I love you, Mom. You're the best mommy."

I love you too, Einstein.

Macaroni Mom

Today I read through a few journal entries and a couple of talks I have written. I had completely forgotten about the following incident. “The other day I took my two oldest children with me to do some shopping. A., age 4 and M. age 2. Our third stop was a hasty trip to the grocery store and by the time we were in the checkout lane, I was wishing we were home. M. was persistently begging me for a cookie while his heavy eyelids threatened to close at any moment. And A. was earnestly petitioning me for a bag of Cheetos. M. handed me a couple of items as I hurriedly unloaded our cart and hoped we could quickly exit.

When we had unloaded all of the groceries, I left M. in the cart and the woman behind us smiled as she handed M. a small package of macaroni and asked, “Would you like to help me?” He happily placed the package down and was soon engrossed in aiding this perceptive woman. I think she let my son place almost every item of hers on the conveyor belt for her.

It was such a simple act, but it made M. so happy--and me too as I was able to pay for the groceries without a struggle. She seemed to me a woman who had probably had small children herself. I was so appreciative of her kindness--that a total stranger would show such genuine interest in my son touched me."

I love that macaroni mom. She lifted the heavy fear of impending meltdown from my shoulders. I don't know if she had raised children of her own, but I could see she certainly knew how to mother children. Have you had the chance to be a macaroni mom? Has anyone else done something simple that meant a great deal to you? I’d love to hear about it.

Happy Groundhog Day!

Punxsutawney.

Isn't that a great word? That word alone is enough to make Groundhog Day worth celebrating. Although it is one of the most under-appreciated holidays on the calendar, Groundhog Day has a very loyal following. People observe the holiday with creativity and zeal. Did you know there are groundhog songs? games? parties? My sister is a devout observer. She started celebrating it when she was young and has now elevated the observance of it to an art form. Seriously. This year she has invited friends and family to write poetry in honor of the day. I experimented with a few different forms and perhaps I got carried away, but at least it was fun. Here's my contribution.

The Brown Groundhog (with apologies to William Carlos Williams)

so much depends
upon

a brown ground
hog

frightened by
shadow

burrowed in Gobbler’s
Knob

Okay, now for haiku

emerge from burrow
see not the cold grey shadow
and promise us spring

free verse

solitary marmot
whistlepig
woodchuck
finds his shadow
while we tuck
ourselves under the covers
for six more weeks of
winter.
Brrrrr.

Come on, celebrate the groundhog! Be daring and add your poem, song, or game to my comments section.

Miss Vanity's Confession (or Why Am I Doing This? part II)

"I have a title for your blog. . . 'Praise Junkie'"
That's what my sister said when I explained a few of the reasons why I wanted to start blogging. Okay, I admit it. I like it when people say nice things to me. But it's more than nice comments (although I really like nice comments)--I like having a little extra motivation to stop and jot a few thoughts down. Plus, I'm still new at this and enjoying all the novelty of it. Choosing my layout, the colors and fonts--it's play. However, I am a wee bit worried that blogging may encourage my usually hidden, adolescent sort of validation-seeking side to my personality. I'm aware of a part of myself that I don't really want to embrace. The same part that drove me to stick my smiling face 3 inches from the camera in our home movies when I was young; the same part that spurred me to attempt dancing all the parts of a large (46 cast member) musical number all by myself, on stage, in front of other adults last year during rehearsal for our stake production. The part of me that doesn't care about thoughtfulness, articulate eloquence, or inspiration. What if what matters most is just that people notice, admire, and compliment? I think that's about when my sister quipped, "I'm going to forget you just said that, so when we hang up, you can still have your self-respect." Thanks sis. You know how to keep me balanced.

A Great Adventure

I'm feeling anxious. In the near future, my husband and I will be boarding a plane with seven (not a typo) S-E-V-E-N children 12 and under. It is a 5 hour flight. Although I am terribly excited about reuniting with family and creating memories for my own children, I am terribly nervous about the travel and being away from home. Sometimes I think--no big deal, it's very likely everything will go fine. Other times I think, how am I going to keep it together if my little people decide to play tag through the terminal, or worse, shrivel into convulsing shrieking over-tired masses when their ginger-ale spills? I think perhaps the anxiety is really coming from the fact that we are not a traveling family. I've never flown with more than 3 kids and we haven't taken many road trips. We just don't have much experience being away from home. Although I have been given some good advice (to which you may add in my comments section--please!), I'm still unsettled--I guess it's just fear of the unknown.

Come to think of it, not only am I not a traveler, I rarely venture beyond the comfy little parameter of school, church, Target. And I can see Target from my bedroom window. (In fact, I have passed up many low, low prices because 4 blocks is just too far.) Oh well. I will try to view this journey as a great adventure. After all, the main purpose of the trip is to see my clever, beautiful, loveable sister-in-law get married. She will be a stunning bride. And it gets better--ALL of my husband's 8-kid-family (with spouses and children, mind, you) will be there. They are incredible. When we're together, the kids play like they are the best of friends even though they rarely see each other. We have fun, and we laugh--a lot. So what's a few hundred miles, a few hours in the air, and a few days of being away from home to be with people you love?

Worth it.

A Tribute

I'm still feeling the shock of it. Cjane is on hiatus. What?! Can she do that? Almost every day for about six months now, I have been enlightened and entertained by her delightful blog. Cjane is a natural storyteller. A literary alchemist, she can take ordinary experiences, then infuse them with keen insight, tender feelings, and witty humor to produce little bloggets of gold. Some of her best have been posted on Segullah and she has even been a guest blogger on another site. If you haven't experienced it for yourself, check out a few of my favorites. One, two, three (for #3 scroll to the second entry entitled "She Wore Lemon"). I'll miss you cjane. Thanks for sharing.

Book Club

Mind if I wade through my thoughts for a bit?

It's my turn to choose a book for book club. I'm stumped. I want to pick something good, but it can't just be something I like--I want everybody to like it. ( I love my pick to get a high rating--oops, there's that vanity again.) I thought about Pilgrim at Tinker Creek. I could read the same sentence or paragraph in that book over and over just for the sheer beauty of the language. Besides, my copy started to fall apart, and after painstakingly replacing the pages several times, I finally gave up when my kids played "book blizzard" and I threw the copy out even though I still hadn't finished it. I'd like to finish it. But I wonder, would it be too much language and not enough story for the other readers? Don't know.

I also like young reader fantasy books like The Book of Three and Howl's Moving Castle. It's so fun to be transported to another world, but they are for juvenile readers. Are they too simple? Maybe.

What about Sense and Sensibility or Emma? Loved those, but we have already read Pride & Prejudice.

We just had a poetry reading and I thought Love That Dog might be fun. I love how the boy is changed by poetry and reveals himself through his own. Another juvenile read and very short.

Suggestions?
Which one would you want to read?

For the Joy

What am I doing?

I wanted to write and now all I can think about is--what if someone reads it? What if no one reads it? Private or public? Over the last several months I have been experiencing a blogging metamorphosis. Stage I -- lurker. Stage II -- commenter. Stage III -- blogger. Or maybe that should read "wannabe blogger." I have been moved, entertained, and even provoked by some very well-written blogs. It's infectious--I want to be a part of it, but why? Yes, I like how writing clarifies my thinking and even inspires new thoughts. I also like to connect with people and to learn what they are thinking. I'm just a little concerned about how much of this is vanity for me. I want to be cool too. I know I could just put all this in my journal, but then there wouldn't be any hope for conversation. Feedback is fun.

So, I've been worried. I can see this venture becoming consuming if I am not disciplined. Maybe even becoming an escape that I might turn to when there are other less enticing tasks to do (dishes, for example). Then, I read this, "Attempt to be creative for the joy it brings. . . . Select something like music, dance, sculpture, or poetry. Being creative will help you enjoy life. It engenders a spirit of gratitude. It develops latent talent, sharpens your capacity to reason, to act, and to find purpose in life. It dispels loneliness and heartache. It gives a renewal, a spark of enthusiasm, and zest for life." (Elder Richard G. Scott said that in the April 1996 general conference and I read it from the Marriage and Family Relations manual.) Hmmm. I like it. Whatever other motives might be floating around in my brain, I choose joy. I'm doing it for the joy.

And the comments.

Kicking Off My Shoes

Finally.

I love the feeling of taking my shoes off at the end of the day.
In fact, most of the time, I just like my shoes off.
Freedom.
Comfort (although slightly vulnerable, perhaps).
Me.

I also like the feeling of shaping my thoughts into words.
So, this is it.
I'm going barefoot.